♡ Follow my heartbeat ♡

♡* Follow my heartbeat *♡

at 3:44 AM

I dun fcking care who's reading my bl0g now
Itz the him or wh0ever.
I jus wana bl0g 0ut hw i feel n tink now!
U might tink i'm crazy, ridiculous 0r wateva after reading.
I faking dun care anym0re!

S0metimes relati0nship d0es gives urself a swt, being l0ved n pampered feeling when its g0od.
But smeh0w at times it feels lk faking HELL!

I wanted..!!
I wanted a best fren s0 so much!!
A best fren tat she can understand me v.well.
A best fren tat will be der f0r each 0ther.
A best fren tat w0nt say tat she's nt free f0r sh0pping end up she's with a guy.
A best fren tat w0nt keep talking abt BFs thru 0ut the sh0pping.
A best fren tat w0nt tell u c0s "my bf dun all0w me t0 g0" or "my bf tired s0 i nt g0ing t0o"
Maybe its hard t0 find tis best fren tat i wanted.

N0t say 0thers, i dun0 if i'm able t0 d0 tat t0o.
But i definitely w0nt say i will kn0w my best fren well but will try my best t0 n0e her well enuf.
But i definitely will be with my best fren if she needs me ard.
But i definitely w0nt tell my fren saying tat i'm n0t free f0r tat day ending up with a guy sh0pping.
But i definitely cant pr0mise i w0nt t0k abt BFs thru 0ut sh0pping but i try n0t t0o infr0nt 0f my singles frens c0s i n0e it'll be b0red t0 hear abt it.
But i admit i will tell my best fren tat "my bf d0nt all0w me t0" or blah blah..

Its hard have a best fren as well as being a best fren.
If 0nli tat guys d0esnt exist in tis w0rld!
I tried t0 ask f0r frens 0ut wh0 i wish t0 try t0 being best fren with her.
But always fail!
I dun understand why.
I guess in this w0rld there's really n0 such tink as best fren.

I hate himself f0r being selfish.
He was my everytink.
But i'm not his everytink.
I always tink abt him in the first place.
But he d0nt b0ther t0.
I shared and put him in everytink i d0.
But he nv d0 tat unless i asked f0r it.

Many many questi0n marks in this relati0nship.
If we will haf the future we want?
If we will last l0ng?
If we will nt have regrets in the future?
If we will be faithful t0 each 0ther till we die?
If there'll be l0ve in btw us till we die?
If we'r the right 0ne f0r each 0ther?
If we will live happily ever after?
So many IFs.
I seri0usly have n0 sense 0f secure.
I'm always the 0ne being left behind by him.
The guy i wanted d0esnt seems t0 be lk tis.

I wanted a guy wh0 can c0ok f0r me at times.
I wanted a guy wh0 will tink abt me when everytink 0r wateva he d0es.
I wanted a guy wh0 able t0 give in t0 me.
I wanted a guy wh0 will try his best in n0t d0ing tinks tat i d0nt lk.
I wanted a guy wh0 kn0ws wad i'm tinking.
I wanted a guy wh0 cares abt me.
I wanted a guy wh0 tinks abt me every min 0r s0.
I wanted a guy wh0 cares abt family.
I wanted a guy wh0 will send me swt messages during my tedi0us day 0f w0rk.
I wanted a guy wh0 is willing t0 spend a simple life with me.
I wanted a guy wh0 l0ves me m0re then l0ving himself.
I wanted a guy wh0 is lk the prince in the fairytale!!
But i n0e there's n0 such tingy.
No such tingy tat there's prince in this w0rld.
N0 such tingy tat all ab0ve he will have it.

He d0esnt have all 0f it, but part 0f it.
But i dun0 y i still l0ves him tat much.
But maybe n0t as much as in the past.
The past is still the past.
Its time t0 l0ok f0rward t0 the future.
And it will take time f0r me t0 tink tat if he's the right 0ne f0r me in the future.
Everytink is still fine f0r n0w until my mind is made up.
I guess he nd t0 tink thr0ughly abt tis t0o.

Labels: Feelings